i’ve been working non-stop this weekend with some breaks to play with a broken frisbee, watch Home Movie (only to fall asleep halfway through), and watch the same episode of The Simpsons 3x (because I/we kept falling asleep). Oh yeah, and make hell of delicious meals and snacks for myself.
On a google search of my name tonight (I’m not sure why I do these things, especially when I’m supposed to either be doing my taxes or SLEEPING), I found my old Xanga site, which I didn’t even remember existed. A few funny things about this besides the things I actually wrote: All of the posts have 1 view. And zero “eprops.” haha. And a couple of them have really meaningful comments left by friends. Very special. Lastly, I was awesome, and I think my blog has become a horrible reflection of myself the past couple of years. I’m completely lost right now. I have to say I used to have a pretty fucking awesome blog back in the day (which cannot be seen anywhere right now unless I decide to republish it). I think it was great fun for me because i wrote whatever was on my mind (for example, wanting to stab the annoying lady at VS in the eyeball with a pen). These days, I’m too worried about other people reading this. I’m too fucking rigid, and I need to start swearing a lot more. A whole fuckin’ lot more. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Anyway, enjoy, I’ll be writing (and swearing) more.
And here’s the Xanga site from 2003. I find it funny that I started it as a mode of reading “penguint’s” blog.
without any glint of joy in sight, and a simple message from a friend I feel slipping away, like a lot others mostly have, lifted me up from a really melancholy place. It’s really lovely and also sad when I reconnect and pick up with friends I never get to see due to distance and to both our unwillingness to try harder to keep in touch. I mean, really hanging out in person, not online, not on the phone, and finding that we really have the ability to make each other smile and have fun and talk about things that I didn’t think anyone else cared about either. Another inspiring thought from this is that I have the ability to make and have friends - something that for whatever reason has been really difficult for me my entire time in San Francisco. I, guess frankly, I’m too shy, and I hate to admit it. I feel like it’s been so long I’ve had a close friend nearby, and I’ve been so extremely isolated that I’ve almost come to believe that I must just be really odd and have unique interests that I just can’t relate to people. But it’s my distant friends that remind me that..that’s not entirely true. A couple of years ago, I had a dinner party, and I couldn’t believe I had so many actual friends in my home, all together. I barely got to spend time with any one of them, so much so, it feels like a dream. I have some photos.
I returned my plastic two way separating zipper and bought a two way non separating bag type zipper for twice the price, but custom cut!
Our bathroom (sometimes kitchen) has been under indiscriminate ant attack for a month and a half, probably because of the rain. My housemates commiserate over having to share our morning and night routines with ants (and spiders). It’s those times when I’m in the bathroom that I normally zone out on really abstract thoughts on life and my day. But, daily now, it’s been very narrowly focusing on one ant or two or a line of ants or the ants that just exploded out the bath faucet when I turned on the water (total chaos when that happens, by the way).
It’s a total battlezone. The first alarming development was a mutant type of ant (sparking an immediate need to throw water on those particular ones til they washed down the drain); it has little stripes on its abdomen. For all I know, that could just mean it’s male or it’s a worker ant or i don’t know, but I kind of ignorantly decided that it’s better if they just die. Last night, a NEW mutant ant popped up. It was twice as long as the normal ants and twice as fat, too. FREAKISHLY long, like it has more than 3 body sections. I thought that it was just a freak ant, but then I saw ANOTHER ONE in a completely separate area of the bathroom. DISTURBING. To add to the battlezone, a crazy looking spider has been living behind our hanging mirror for the same amount of time. I’m 50% sure/unsure that it’s a brown recluse - using the bathroom has become a life or death situation. I actually put on my glasses that I hardly ever wear to see if I could once and for all figure out if it’s a brown recluse or not. To no avail, but I did notice that since a month ago, it’s missing segments of four of its legs on one side. TOTAL BATTLEZONE. What happened to this guy? I thought he was peacefully living behind our mirror eating ants this whole time, whilst threatening me with his existence. Maybe he got in the way of some of those mutant ants. ANYWAY..hopefully that didn’t make me sound totally nuts…
The life of ants is something that will never not be fascinating. I could wonder all day long over why I find them in some places - for example, about 50 ants decided to live INSIDE of my iron, which is located in a very inconvenient place for them to get to. There was no trail or any other ants in the vicinity. They just went into my iron and stayed in there til I found them - very strange, right? Sometimes, I’ll see one lone ant on my ceiling, ant-miles away from any other ant. What’re you doin, ANT?! As a child, didn’t you ever wonder..what are those ants thinking?! Carrying his dead buddy, carrying his not-dead buddy, seemingly preening his antennae, stopping and wiggling his antennae at you. Now, I know that they don’t think - they just do. They live in colonies, eat, reproduce and survive, and that is their function. It’s difficult not to feel cruel when you kill them; my 30 year old roommate still feels bad killing them. They’re so diligent, and their organization seems intelligent; and maybe that’s why we can’t help but feel sorry for our helpless little companions.
In the midst of this ant madness, I chose to listen to the “Emergence” episode of Radiolab. It’s about how organization seemingly emerges from no single person but from everyone (later resolved that it comes from swerves by individuals in a society which establishes trends). It also stumbles a little on consciousness. But, half of the episode ended up being about ants, and how ants are essentially brainless yet have extremely successful colonies. Half of it is by chance, and their movement is determined by pheromones. Be warned this Radiolab episode is kind of stumbly and wanders, but I’ve always wondered about this stuff, so maybe you have, too. Take a listen at this link.
(photo from http://photografr.com/tag/macro/)
I spent a chunk of yesterday researching laptop sleeves/bags; in the end, a plain neoprene bag is still $40, which is more than I want to spend for something plain, kind of ugly, and not even in a color I like! I resolved if I did buy a laptop sleeve, it’d be from Brokesy (which I found through Outblush). Brokesy makes handmade laptop sleeves that make me want to hit my head on the wall out of their insane cuteness. They range from $50-$90; being a little brokesy myself, I decided I can make my own! If she can, why can’t I? (Silly me, I answered this question for myself after crossing the point of no return; she’s a professional seamstress/clothesmaker. That’s why.) She even listed what materials she used; granted, they were a little scary sounding to someone who doesn’t know a stitch about sewing - closed cell foam…flocked fabric? I deduced from her descriptions, and yesterday and this morning, I ventured through the Sunset to find my materials. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
MY SHOPPING LIST:
OUTER FABRIC: I went to Peapod Fabrics on 18th Ave/Irving, in the Outer Sunset. It’s Japanese owned and specializes in vintage style sewing and quilting fabrics from Europe and Japan. The store has a very Japanese feel, tiny, bright, and cozy, and on this very dark, rainy afternoon, it touched me in just the right way. I just loved being in there. Somehow 30 minutes flew by as I stared at fabrics I knew I wasn’t going to use but fantasized of having anyway. It kinda makes you want to just poke your eyes out. Here’s Peapod’s link - check out her blog, too. It’s beautiful. I thought I’d end up going on to Britex downtown and Fabrix in the inner Richmond, but no, this was my first and only stop. Normally, it’d drive me crazy knowing that there are so many other options out there to choose from, but I was so happy with my fabric, that I didn’t care. I chose design over practicality and bought 1 yard of this fabric for about $10.
CLOSED CELL FOAM: This was my next mission because I couldn’t stand that I wasn’t able to just find some online. I HAD TO FIND IT. Lou told me to try the hardware stores on Irving around the 20s avenues. I had confidence in this because those stores have EVERYTHING. On my first one, I found a welcome mat that was thin enough, cushiony, and bendable, but there was a picture of a dog and cat on it, and my fabric is potentially see-through. It’d work as a last resort, and it was only $4! I thought of going to a medical supply store also, since I found an online supply store that sold closed cell foam pads for splinting. There wasn’t one on that stretch, so I went onto the hardware store. No luck there. I ended up at a homeware/restaurant supply store and in a bin, found these large rolls of what seemed to be closed cell foam. The rolls were covered in Chinese characters, which I obviously could not read, and I have no idea what they are. I didn’t bother to ask either. I measured the thickness, and it was exactly what I wanted at 1/8″! I bought a big roll for $9. It’s almost like a very thin yoga mat, but way bigger. AMAZING.
LINING + ZIPPER: The zipper was easy to find. It’s a two way zipper, called a separating zipper. 36″ is just right to wrap around 3 sides. $5. I asked the owner about the flocked fabric, which didn’t help. Then I mentioned something about a jewelry box and my precious laptop. She recommended felt, panne velvet, fleece, or straight up velvet. It was between felt and velvet; it costs a little more, but I could touch velvet all day long. It crossed my mind to choose an obnoxiously bright royal blue for a BAM effect when I open my case. I chose 1/2 a yard of dark blue, though, for $5. SO SOFT!!! Like George Costanza says, if it were socially acceptable, I’d drape myself in velvet.
What I haven’t mentioned is that I don’t own a sewing machine. I’m going to try to do this all by hand. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVER. I’m not sure if I really understand how to even begin sewing this; I’m just working through it logically using these photos for help. I’ll post a photo of mine when I’m done. Also, the remainder of my foam is up for grabs. 
(This is the Brokesy sleeve I want if this project fails - which it better not because I’ve already invested $30 in it. She even has 1 available to buy in my size! eee.)
This is a long winded interview with Barret Oliver, the kid from the Neverending Story, in which the interviewer translates back and forth between english and german, and they talk about him having to eat a sandwich while delivering a line. The best part of this video is that he’s sitting on a moving giant snail from the movie the entire time and the child-like Empress is silently sitting with him on it.
I am so glad that The Countess is the Elizabeth Bathory movie Julie Delpy directed (and starred in) and NOT this godawful thing that I thought was it originally. Elizabeth Bathory is a 14th century serial killer of legend who bathed in young women’s blood which she believed kept her youthful. If you don’t mind ruining the plot of The Countess for yourself, the Wikipedia plot description sounds pretty crazy - read here.
Unrelatedly, wouldn’t it have been amazing if Julie Delpy ever worked with Woody Allen? Why didn’t he ever use her? Maybe he didn’t want to step on Richard Linklater’s directing nuts.
Awful Bathory movie that I might end up watching anyway:
The Countess, despite how awkwardly she speaks, I’ll probably see this, too:
Here’s a really fun (and a little obnoxiously hip) video starring two smooth LA musicians, Dam Funk and Nite Jewel, getting together to play with drum machines and synthesizers on a collaborative track. Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti guitarist is also involved, which is really great keeping in mind Haunted Graffiti’s low-fi, drum track sound (i.e.this). What cracks me up is their creep-vibe inspiration/concepts - the sky line = cocaine drug-trip party, running away from a killer and making it back home. Also, Jon B of Sweaterfunk and Groove Merchant are mentioned! FAMOUS
Lou originally sent me this video from Superior Elevation.
I might just blog to hold a place of reference for new-found Fiona Apple music. She’s always performing and covering songs, just not very publicly.
I found out today that there is a film about Club Largo in LA - a little late night happening that I aim to attend and always end up eating some matzo ball soup across the street at Canter’s Deli instead. This is where musicians like Jon Brion, Fiona Apple, Nickel Creek and others (comedians) entertain small audiences in the late night hours.
See here! http://www.largofilm.com/ There is a beautiful trailer and also other clips of each artist, including Fiona, Jon Brion, Zach Galifianakis, Louis CK, Sarah Silverman, etc.
Anyway, SELF, here are the most recent covers I’ve found Cy Coleman covers and a duet with her sister Maude Maggart -
A cover of the 50s jazz song “Angel Eyes”
Two Cy Coleman covers: “Why Try to Change Me Now?” and “I Walk a Little Faster”
“Papermoon” with Maude Maggart
I spent about half an hour staring into space tonight trying to remember the title of Barefoot Gen. Jenn is here in SF visiting, and I think this is what made me think of this - because the last time we were both in the city, I was working at Green Apple and I gave her a copy of Barefoot Gen that I had found. What a powerful book. It’s a graphic novel based on the true story of a boy who survived the atomic bombing of Hiroshima.
The movie is good, too. Here’s a powerful scene of the bombing.
where have i been? i have been all over, but a week ago, my sister described my soul floating somewhere above my head. and me, imagining my body growing roots deep into the ground. i have no ground
i don’t feel like i’m experiencing time chronologically; i had utterly forgotten my promise: my refusal to resign to poverty and my refusal to feel sorry for myself. had this even happened yet? when did i ever have hope? when did i ever have fun and when did i ever feel good and when did i ever entertain the idea of ever attaining wholeness
i’m that empty nutshell i wrote about in a poem in 10th grade or so. may anyone be afraid to tap the outside
When I was little my parents took us once to the library to view the moon through a telescope that someone volunteered to share with the public. I was probably 3 and had no idea what I was in for. They told me to put my eye up to the telescope, and to my horror, a bright white light was shining directly into my eye! The moon. But, there was no preparation for this, and I was completely frightened. Eye to eye with the moon! Magnified, it’s magnificent light shrinking my pupil. I remember being startled and running into our family van to hide from it.
When my mom was little in Lima, her little brother noticed aloud in their car as their family drove home one night that the moon was following them! He was very scared of it and asked why it wouldn’t stop following them.
Another night soon after, my mom cut a large moon out of white paper and hung it over his bed, scaring the living daylights out of him when he woke in the middle of the night.
Yesterday morning, I was driving through the park on the way home, and I discovered that it is so much FUN driving in extreme, pounding rain. The world becomes foreign; the air rareified. I drove off away from my direction home and decided to pass Spreckles Lake. A couple walked around the edge, and I wondered if the lake would overflow - the volume of rain felt like the ocean was coming down on us. Birds sat on the water bobbing all about. I liked this, so I decided to see what the bison were doing. They’re less than a mile away.
I wondered if they were hiding, huddled, or disaffected. I drove slowly and saw them in a group, some laying down, some grazing, but all under a torrent. Unaffected. I loved it.
My car hydroplaned.
I thought, should I go to the ocean? Only the day before had the thought popped into my head, and I asked Lou, “Have you ever been to the ocean when it’s raining?” He said no; I said I hadn’t either. But it seemed like fun, I thought. The world persists, no matter the weather.
I like to think that the sun always shines, everywhere; a revelation that came to me years ago, when rising above the clouds on a plane one day.
I drove to the ocean, but the pounding rain stopped by the time I got there (in less than two minutes!). I was sad. I parked there anyway because there was a break in the sky over the ocean; there was a blue patch and fluffy clouds touched by gold peeking in and out between lower, grey clouds. Immediately, a seagull landed smack-dab on the middle of my hood. Four others sat very close to my car - maybe waiting to take his place? I wondered if he sat there because it was warm or if they were unaffected, too? They looked a little huddled.
I began to tell the sky my wishes. I kept getting distracted, but I finally spit them all out. I try so hard not to be poetic, but the small puddles of rain drops on the hood of my car were quivering with the wind - sitting around the beautiful, brown seagull that looked in at me, reading me, telling me.
I could see the moon in the blue patch. The brown seagull flew away. Later, a haggard seagull barely landed in its place; the wind was too strong. He made it. But, he looked so pathetic, and he had a hard time keeping his balance with the wind. I kind of wished I could let him inside, but he was gross - so I didn’t even fantasize it.
Was this supposed to be a reflection of myself? This sad seagull. I refuse to resign to poverty, and I refuse to feel sorry for myself.
I went home and at breakfast, I read this line in the book I am reading: “The adolescents of my generation, greedy for life, forgot in body and soul about their hopes for the future until reality taught them that tomorrow was not what they had dreamed, and they discovered nostalgia.”
It makes my heart explode, and I desire ambition!
Two Fiona Apple songs I didn’t know existed until a couple weeks ago.
She did a cover of Sally’s Song from A Nightmare Before Christmas…I think maybe for one of its re-releases. They didn’t use it in the movie itself, but someone happened to try to match up the video with her singing here…haha. You can see and listen to it at this link!
The second song is very Fiona-y cover of Frosty the Snowman, which came out this past Christmas. This cover sounds VERY Nickel Creek-ish, and I bet it is Nickel Creek playing as her band.
There are a ton of excellent Fiona/Nickel Creek collaborations on youtube from their east coast tour. Bluegrass version of Criminal? Yes
(i have to also mention there’s a video out there of Chris Thile of Nickel Creek -so good-, Jon Brion, and Fiona performing Fast as You Can)
Maybe my imagination is a bit more harmless than real life. Louis brought this story to my attention: Memphis Bus Driver leaves 5-year old aboard.
Two days ago, I walked by a yoga/pilates studio somewhere near Union St. It was located below ground, requiring yoga/pilate-ers to walk down a flight of stairs to enter the studio. At the top of the stairs was a bright seemingly computer-made sign saying “Beware, slippery steps when wet.”
Yesterday, I was driving home, and for a while I was behind a small yellow school bus. On the back window was a sign facing outward that said, “This bus has been checked for sleeping children and is empty.”
I like to imagine the situations that caused both of these signs to be placed where they were.
Some years ago, Michael Cera was involved in a mock flip-out caught on tape with Katherine Heigl and Judd Apatow, making fun of David O’Russel’s complete flip-out at Lily Tomlin on the set of I <3 Huckabees. In the Cera mock flip-out, he gets fired from playing Katherine Heigl’s love-interest in Knocked Up. You can see the real Huckabees flip-out here
Well, there’s a new Michael Cera flip-out video! It’s from the set of Youth in Revolt, and it only slightly resembles Christian Bale’s epic flip-out on the set of Terminator 4 (the real flip-out you can listen to here)
You can see the new Michael Cera flip-out right here and the older one is below. I think I prefer the older flip-out!!
I went to the dermatologist today to get a mole check-up (i have lots of moles like my dad, and tons of freckles like my mom!). My dr. cut off a slice of a mole to get examined in a lab. It was weird. I have a band-aid on my neck now. I await my results.
Even weirder, her office is across the street from DASH, the Kardashian-owned (and supposedly run) clothing boutique. They also have a children’s boutique, Swoop or something, one door down. We had to park in their strip mall parking lot because the doctor’s complex was out of parking spots. I quickly learned from my sister that the in your face ‘VOTE FOR KIM’ t-shirts in the windows were there because she is currently on Dancing with the Stars (pleez!). The slogan assaults you from the Swoop window display, as well.
I accidentally made eye contact with one of the Hollywoodish schlubs working inside DASH, and I immediately averted my glance.
After Letty told me how embarrassed she was when Jenny forced her to go in there on their last trip to the dermatologist (and discovered the Chloe look alike store clerk was snooty!), I told her she’s lucky I didn’t have my camera with me because I would’ve gladly made a scene taking tourist photos in front of DASH….just for laughs.
Other things you might find in this mini strip mall, the Calabasas Post Office and a crappy nail salon. Haha. dumb.
Doctor Oz was on Oprah a couple of days ago, and an audience member asked a question in reference to the article that’s been circulating the net regarding a well known doctor’s letter to his staff that cell phones may cause brain cancer (see it here).
Dr. Oz simply reiterates Dr. Herberman’s statement - that there is not enough evidence to make a formal warning, but that it is known that electromagnetic waves can cause change in cells (cancer=caused by cell mutations). SO better safe than sorry. This is especially geared towards children who use cell phones since their skulls aren’t fully developed and are actually thinner than adults’. He listed off some advice on how to possibly lessen the impact of electromagnetic waves when you’re using a cell phone..yadda. . .yadda . . .
Anyhow, this reminded me of a great thing I saw in a boutique in Venice recently (CA not IT).
I present to you: YUBZ.
Cute, eh? They even have artist editions and accessories (they even sell artist prints!). You simply connect it to your cell phone and you can hang it off your bag or stuff it in your bag…or anything else you please. These also can connect to your laptop/desktop if you’re Skyping it up. Reduces head to cell phone contact (thus electromagnetic radiation) and instant conversation maker (and medium).
Old skool style
(you can find ‘em in stores near you or order em online. i’m totally getting one the next time i have money to splurge. also, sidenote: lou wonders if it’s illegal to talk on a Yubz while driving in CA - with the whole no cell phone while driving law that just passed - whatcha think?)
Tonight, I viewed 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time..ever.
And so now my life has entered its second stage of two: before the Odyssey and after the Odyssey.
All that I love I see with new eyes.
I immediately recognize Hertzfeldt’s obsession with this film: The Meaning of Life, eye-dazzling space montages, symphonies, cuts between the immense and the miniscule, MONOLITHS, fear inducing but necessary isolation, and ear wrenching soundtracks.
Every sound had such a grip on my emotions and it all became 20x more frightening.
I can barely visually wrap my eyes around what I saw. Spectacular, favorite moments: The capybara-like animal falling over and over, the first encounter with the monolith, Dave’s jogs, the suited body flying through space, Dave in the pod with projections laid over his face, the warped light show - the freeze frames on his greyed face and red-orange suit during this scene, the scene in Hal’s control room, mesmerizing repeating screen errors and scans. EVERYTHING. SO GOOD.
HAL HELL HAL HELL HAL HELL HAL HELL HAL HELL HAL HELL
I listened to the album Thriller today for the first time as well. I am nearing the cultural satisfaction that I had missed all this time and am still missing.
I just watched this movie (as a sidenote, i’d recommend this Clint Eastwood movie based on a true story), and after seeing the DVD cover, I badly wanted to do this:
scary men through triangular/rectangular cracks - perhaps an escape from the womb of insanity?
Hello! I’ve dedicated the last 48 hours to creating this, and well sadly, not much has been done.
1) I installed and figured out how to use my Sideblog plugin (see my first sideblog?!)
2) I got my iF Ajax comments plugin to work, but then this cute wordpress theme (this blue bird stuff you’re seeing now) completely annihilated it - my biggest complaint of this theme is that the comments don’t work properly - and my Ajax settings don’t work 
Anyway, I havent left my room in a long time. And I can feel my nerd gene flexing it’s sad, weakling muscles way deep down in my brain.
1) I’m obsessed with Wordpress plugins
2) I’m educating myself on complete wordpress design through - hey whaddyaknow! - Wordpress Designer.com
3) I didnt know what the big deal was about Wordpress over Blogger - and now I chastise myself. I feel the wordpress POWER!!! It is surging through my body…
So, you can look forward to regular posts from now on. But, best of all you can look forward to the new theme I’ll be creating for this blog! This is going to take me a while. But ya girl got it handled.
